#Nakedtime

A Fresh Start

2010-02-07T21:38:00.002-07:00

So, this blog is officially dead. Follow me at the much more focused Sans Comics.

There Are No Words to Describe It

2009-05-05T00:58:00.002-06:00

Ars Firma

2009-05-02T16:46:00.003-06:00

Digital art is great, and convenient and all, but sometimes it's good to do it "for real" and get dirty.

And this reminds me that I really ought to buy a scanner, not the best substitute to just hold a digital camera over it. And, yes, I've been on a western kick lately. Nothing wrong with that.

Monthly Update

2009-04-29T16:56:00.005-06:00

Here's a few new illustrations for you to look at. None of them are particularly brilliant, but they all contain some elements that have traditionally been out of my comfort zone (namely, they all have color).

A Dark and Gloomy Wood

2009-03-31T16:30:00.003-06:00

Ray's comment on the last post made me think I should probably share the image he mentioned. This was done for some writing project he had for class last semester.

This piece was heavily inspired by Gustave Doré's wood engraving illustrations of Dante's Divine Comedy. As with most all of my pieces, this is digital art done in Corel Painter X. I happen to love Painter X, especially the way it's designed to mimic real media (as opposed to something like Photoshop, which is primarly meant for digital image editing). The medium on this is greese pencil.

Mutable

2009-03-29T13:57:00.003-06:00

Just playing with some colors and brushes. The details suggested themselves after a while.

E-Mail can be tricky.

2009-03-27T15:31:00.001-06:00

Be sure you're talking to who you think you are.

Population: Growing!

2009-03-13T14:37:00.014-06:00

Animal Crossing may just be the oddest game ever made. There's nothing immediately unnerving about it, I mean, yeah it is an odd premise, but it's not till you find yourself obsessing over how you're going to pay off your imaginary mortgage that you start seeing the unsettling strangeness of it all.

But let's start with the beginning, Animal Crossing was once Dōbutsu no Mori (lit. Animal Forest). I first heard about it years ago, probably 1999, in the import previews section of EGM. The coverage was very cursory, you play as a human moving into a village full of talking animals. Nintendo pitched it as a "communication" game, and it seemed that somehow writing letters figured as a major part of the gameplay. Oh, and let's not forget, there was a real time clock, something especially unusual back in the days of cartridges when consoles did not have a built in system clock. It seemed like another strange, quirky little title from Nintendo that would be short lived in Japan and never see the light of day in the US (trust me, Nintendo has dozens of bizare games that will never be seen in the US, see: Captain Rainbow or, uh, Tingle's Rosy Rupeeland).

This was the last I saw of Dōbutsu no Mori in my monthly video game mags, and true to form Nintendo had no plans to import the game to the N64. Animal Forest eventually came out in Japan in April of 2001. Later that year the game was ported to the newly released GameCube as Dōbutsu no Mori+. The GCN* was considerably more powerful than the N64 (incidentally, the GCN may well be the last of Nintendo's attempts to be the most high tech home console around), but Dōbutsu no Mori+ was just a straight port with few enhancements.

A couple years later Nintendo, apparently, decided what they needed to stop the flagging sales of their system, the flight of third party developers to other platforms, and their slow decline into obscurity and irrelevence was to localize maybe the strangest game they have ever made. And so Dōbutsu no Mori+ was to come state side. The game was rechristened Animal Crossing, and Nintendo actually put some effort into modernizing it, though it still largely looked like an N64 game.

To cut the history lesson short, there have been two sequels to Animal Crossing: AC: Wild World on the Nintendo DS handheld, and AC: City Folk for the Wii. There's very little difference between any of these titles, aside from some basic graphical touches and interface tweaks. Nintendo is not one to shy away from repackaging games, and Animal Crossing has tragically been the victim of this (Example: after Dōbutsu no Mori+ was localized as Animal Crossing, Nintendo relocalized Animal Crossing back to Japan as Dōbutsu no Mori e+).

My intention here is not to review Animal Crossing or discuss it's faults, or my disappointment with it's lack of progress over the iterations. I'm here to talk about just what an oddity this game is. And I have to question if game is even the correct term here. The term game would imply some sort of objective, and some sort of penalty for failing to achieve such an objective. It's a core element of all games, capture the opponents king lest they capture yours, save the princess from the horrible monster or else you run out of time and die. Even today's big budget triple-A game releases fundamentally come down to this dichotomy: achieve your objective or fail the game.

Animal Crossing completely ignores this basic assumption of game. There are goals to be obtained, progress to be made, surely, but the game mandates none of it. For the first hour at most of playing AC you are given some tasks to introduce you to the world. You learn the basics of living in a town full of talking animals, but this part of the game quickly ends, and you are left to your own devices for the rest of your time in your new village.

As I mentioned before, Nintendo billed Animal Crossing as a "communication" game. There certainly is some communicating in the game. You can write letters to your neighbors, most often they won't be able to read what you've written, but they will still happily show your letter to anyone with eyes to see (something to consider before writing, during my time with the original Animal Crossing on GCN, I had a hippo in my town who happily displayed her mail from a certain friend of mine: "I heard hippo's have sloppy cunts, show me some time?"). There's also a message board that you are free to write on, and occasionally so will your neighbors, but mostly it's just used to inform you of upcoming events.

Despite the trappings of communication though, most of your time in Animal Crossing will be spent fishing, or managing your fruit crop, or acquiring stuff for your home. You may find yourself obsessing over some activity or another, myself I always rush to pay off my mortgage. But again these are not activities imposed on you by some game structure, these are activities that are offered to you, at no risk, for your enjoyment. So if not a game, what is Animal Crossing? I'd be inclined to use the term "sandbox", if it weren't so utterly cliched and misused amongst gamers. So I'll just go with this, Animal Crossing is simply a toy. It's a very neat toy, it can do a lot of things, plenty of neat gizmos, but it's not going to guide you through an experience, it's not going to proffer a carrot and threaten the stick to entice you to behave in a way that induces enjoyment. Animal Crossing gives you as much as you bring to it.

It's a good thing to pay off your mortgage.
Less good is being stung by bees.

I've never been able to fully express to anyone why Animal Crossing is a great thing to play. There's no good words to describe why it's fun to go fishing and pay a mortgage and hang out with talking animals. But I can attest there is something strangely alluring about it, off hand I can think of three friends who were not very big videogame players who have, at one time or another, become obsessed with Animal Crossing.

I have high hopes for the future of this series. As someone who's been playing every release since the first American outing in 2002, it's disappointing to not see any significant updates to the feature set. And, most alarmingly, to actually see some great features scaled back, the original GCN release had collectible NES games available in it (Excitebike, Baloon Fight, Donkey Kong, as just a few examples). The original music was also, perhaps, my favorite game soundtrack ever (This in particular may be my favorite piece), and as pleasantly mellow as the new games music is, it's far less memorable.

The good news is that the popularity of the Wii, especially with the newfound "casual" gamer market may just be what Nintendo needs to entice them to seriously update the Animal Crossing formula. As much as I loved the '02 release of AC, the market was just so entirely wrong for it. This was the birthing of the era of First Person Shooter dominance in console land, there just wasn't any room for something so cute and innocuous as Animal Crossing. It's not especially surprising to see Nintendo repackage the title so many times, you've got to recoup development costs somehow, but it is disappointing.

Maybe I will see all the updates I want, maybe even within this console generations life span, it's hard to tell with Nintendo. In the meantime though, I'll be spending my morning coffee in my little animal village, tending my crop.

*Fun fact, the GameCube is abbreviated GCN, presumably for GameCube Nintendo, but no one really knows why. It's commonly believed it's because NGC would mean the Neo-Geo Color, but that system doesn't actually exists, it's a Neo-Geo Pocket Color, so NGPC. Ain't life grand?

Aw shit!

2009-03-04T16:35:00.002-07:00

Hate your job?

2009-02-13T14:58:00.002-07:00

Best Super Bowl ad this year, easily. CareerBuilder has a long history of fantastic commercials though.

Nothing's funnier than a smoking monkey.

Shel Silverstein's Bastard Son

2009-02-12T00:48:00.002-07:00

I speak the truth.

The State with Organs

2009-02-11T15:01:00.004-07:00

Ray sent me along this idea for a political cartoon some time ago, I believe after I drunkenly mentioned wanting to do some. Well, I finally got around to putting idea to ink and busted this one out. It was a lot of fun to do, and the hardest part turned out to be writing the words. I fucking hate my damned handwriting. Anyways here's the video, look for the image to show up, maybe, at A Terrible Blogger is Born.

You still haven't done nothin'

2009-02-11T11:50:00.007-07:00

In 1974 Stevie Wonder released a fantastic single by the name of You Haven't Done Nothin'. The track is catchy as hell, and is also fiercely powerful and energetic. It featured an early use of drum machines and backing vocals by the Jackson 5 (speaking of them, forget that ABC business, these cats apparently put out some funky grooves in this era, but that's perhaps another post).

The track was written as a screed against Nixon, and it just drips righteous vitriol through and through. Thirty odd years later the track seems just as pertinent to political conditions as ever, and I just had to share this fantastic song.

We are amazed but not amused
By all the things you say that you'll do
Though much concerned but not involved
With decisions that are made by you

But we are sick and tired of hearing your song
Telling how you are gonna change right from wrong
'Cause if you really want to hear our views
"You haven't done nothing"!

It's not too cool to be ridiculed
But you brought this upon yourself
The world is tired of pacifiers
We want the truth and nothing else

And we are sick and tired of hearing your song
Telling how you are gonna change right from wrong
'Cause if you really want to hear our views
"You haven't done nothing"!

We would not care to wake up to the nightmare
That's becoming real life
But when mislead who knows a person's mind
Can turn as cold as ice un hum

Why do you keep on making us hear your song
Telling us how you are changing right from wrong
'Cause if you really want to hear our views
"You haven't done nothing"!
Yeah

There was a time.

2009-02-09T15:04:00.004-07:00

I can't imagine anyone in the audience was expecting anything like this when they decided to go to a taping of some assumedly crappy night show in it's first season.

Ahem..

2009-01-23T01:14:00.003-07:00

If you've wandered in here from facebook, then, no, I do not live in Vdasyevskaya, Russia.

Can you build an arcade cabinet? Shoryuken!

2009-01-22T14:59:00.005-07:00

Me and Jason went to Nickelcade last weekend, and goddamn I really want my own MAME cabinet now. Problem is, putting one together is like $1000 at least.

Not that I've ever been one to scoff at the price of electronics, but the price mixed with, well, the spatial needs of a cabinet is giving me pause. Do I really need my own arcade cabinet? Well, no. But, fuck it, I want one!

So I'm taking a piecemeal approach to building it, and the cabinet itself will come last. First comes the software and then the computer. I've already priced and configured the computer to run the sucker, and hopefully when the G-Men see fit to return some of my hard earned cash come April I'll splurge and buy the parts. In the meantime I'm sorting out the software needs. Sadly, arcade emulation is not a straightforward process in the slightest, but I'll get my tiny little mind wrapped around it eventually.

A (un)fortunate side effect of working with the emulation software is that I've developed quite a taste for Street Fighter. I'm hooked dammit, I'm even skipping over playing Far Cry 2 (which I like just paid $50 for) to play. I never quite understood the appeal of fighters, but I went to the trouble to learn the moves for a character and by god now I love it.

Even though I'm convinced that shit is totally rigged.

Listen Up

2009-01-09T12:12:00.004-07:00

I wanted to point out the nifty little gadget I've added. Over there on the right side of the screen is a little audio streaming gizmo that will stream any MP3 hosted on the net. Very cool stuff, and I hope to point it at various bits of music or interesting lectures.

Up now is the Funky16Corners Slystravaganza episode, give it a listen.

I'd like to highlight, in particular, the MFSB cover of Family Affair, it is perhaps the most awesome thing I've heard in awhile.

Another Dead Dream

2009-01-09T11:12:00.007-07:00

But this time not by my hands.

Ziff Davis Media has sold the 1UP network to UGO, and officially shit canned Electronic Gaming Monthly. This doesn't really come as much of a surprise to anyone who's paid any attention, as ZD has been unceremoniously closing all it's print properties for the past few years. At the turn of the century ZD had nearly a dozen magazines devoted to videogames, and last year only EGM was limping along.

Print as a medium for news is on the way out, there's just no way around this fact. I think everyone knows this, if only on a gut instinct level. There's still room for print as a source of long form, investigative journalism though, something I had hoped EGM would transition to. As good as the internet is for news, there's nothing less comfortable than reading long pieces on your computer monitor. Unfortunately, Ziff Davis' chronic financial troubles mean that EGM will never get the chance to pursue this as thoroughly or as well as I believe they could have.

The death of EGM was sadly predictable, more surprising was the mass layoffs at 1UP itself. It's easy to get angry at UGO (and parent company Hearst Corporation) for this, but according to those in the know, it's ZD at blame.

I started reading EGM ten years ago when I was in middle school, and it didn't take me long to decide working for them was something I'd love to do eventually. Even in the past year, when debating quitting my job, I was still considering focusing my time on developing my writing and submitting samples in the vain hope of getting some low paying internship. Well I guess I can officially put that dream in its grave, with the death of EGM and the crippling of 1UP, there are no more games journalism outlets I would be interested in trying to join.

In an industry largely made up of backpatting and reacharounds, EGM and 1UP stood for journalistic integrity, even when it would have benefited them financially to give in to pressure. The games journalism world got far more dismal this week. The only bright spot is that there are still some very talented folk at 1UP, and no doubt those cut loose will land nicely at other outlets, hopefully bringing up their new employers standards.

RIP EGM,
1989-2009

New piece

2009-01-06T12:18:00.004-07:00

This isn't anything out of the ordinary for me, or stretching my skills (such as they are) in any fashion. But I liked the way it turned out. I wanted to suggest more detail then there actually is. I think it worked, but then I have more insight into what the image is supposed to be than a viewer would, so there's not way for me to be sure just yet.

Not much else to say about it, so I'll just add the video (assuming YouTube doesn't kick it back to me again). I have a lot of fun making these videos. Something hypnotic about watching an hours work compressed into a few minutes.

Hey Jerkface

2009-01-06T00:58:00.001-07:00

To that guy in my office who whistles a high pitched shrill all night:

Fuck you.

Oh yeah...

2009-01-05T12:10:00.003-07:00

Happy New Year and shit.

I rang in the New Year with a bottle of orange juice and a good nights sleep, fending off some sort of bug. Like an abusive lover, it slipped in quietly while I slept, and left me feeling wrong all the next day.

So long Big Red

2009-01-05T10:47:00.004-07:00

This is several weeks late, out of laziness assuredly, but let's pretend it was grief.

I started playing guitar in 8th grade, and as all young men who take up an instrument, I had illusions of grandeur and fame. Well, ok, I mostly just thought it'd be a good way to pick up women, but eventually I developed illusions of grandeur. Neither of these turned out to be true, but I had fun learning to play anyways.

But, the dream is over, and it's time to move on. Long past time, actually. I stopped practicing guitar a good four years ago now, around the time I graduated from High School. A couple years after that, I made a sort of abortive attempt to extricate myself from my fruitless dreams. I sold off my lovely blue Stratocaster and shitty amplifier. But some things die hard, and I used the money to buy an acoustic. Actually, I used the money from the sale plus other income, as I chose a gorgeous Dean Exotica FM. Yeah, it doesn't make much sense to decide to give up on an instrument, sell it, and buy a more expensive instrument. But that's me, chock full of contradiction and stupidity.

I finally did it right though, a few weeks ago I pawned the Dean (a measure of my apathy: the Dean never got named. My first cheapo was Maybell, the Strat was Amy, the Dean was just "my guitar"). I suppose I should be sad, but it's actually more of a relief. Having the guitar out and in sight was just a constant reminder of a failing. When the high-E broke several months ago, I never bothered to restring it. In fact it still had the strings from when I bought it back in 2005. I never took proper precautions with storage either, it was developing a couple buzzing frets due to warping. I didn't want to hurt the girl anymore than I allready had, and she was a constant reminder of just what a bad person I had become. So it was time to break it off, for both our sake.

Yeah this is getting wierd.

So, to sum it up, so long Big Red, you were sexy, felt good in my arms, and had a great personality. But I was no good for you, and we're just going different places in life. I wish you the best of luck with your next partner, and I hope they treat you better than I did.

In the coming months I'm going to get rid of more stuff that I don't treat right and make me feel bad, including my library of books, sketchpads, my car, and my penis.

God is a concept By which we measure Our pain
I'll say it again God is a concept By which we measure Our pain
I don't believe in magic, I don't believe in I-ching
I don't believe in Bible, I don't believe in tarot
I don't believe in Hitler, I don't believe in Jesus
I don't believe in Kennedy, I don't believe in Buddha
I don't believe in Mantra, I don't believe in Gita
I don't believe in Yoga, I don't believe in kings
I don't believe in Elvis, I don't believe in Zimmerman
I don't believe in Beatles, I just believe in me
Yoko and me
And that's reality
The dream is over What can I say?
The dream is over
Yesterday I was the Dreamweaver
But now I'm reborn
I was the Walrus But now I'm John
And so dear friends You'll just have to carry on
The dream is over

Oh you're so talented...

2008-12-10T00:40:00.007-07:00

The other night I started working on this image just for laughs. It turned out rather well, despite some obvious flaws with it, the guitar in particular shows off how much I've slacked in my playing, cause I got the anatomy of the thing completely wrong. All said though, I was pleased with the results and felt it developed some ideas I'd been wanting to incorporate into my Exit Music work. I've been a bit too close to Exit Music as of late, if mostly in my mind, and it was nice to sit down and work on an illustration for a few hours that had nothing to do with it.

So tonight I sat down with the intent of going further afield from what I'm used to working on. Drawing grizzled male faces is stupidly easy, what's difficult is the softer faces of women. The general lack of lines on the female face makes it difficult to add much character to it without also aging it a whole lot, at least I find issues with this. I also don't do much scenery, so I wanted to incorporate a proper background into the image. I liked the rock-a-billy theme from the previous image so I decided to continue with it. In my head it was all ready a great piece.

But things don't always work out how we want.

I spent a good two hours working on the image and just could not get the central female face to work right. I didn't help myself by picking a somewhat odd angle to draw it from, and my stubborn, stupid, reticence to work from models really bit me in the ass. I probably should have just moved on and come back to it later, but I was obsessed, I was sure I could get it right through force of will alone, and eventually I just got fed up. Lucky for you I recorded the whole thing! So I will present it at the end of the text, sped up 20x so my 2 hours of frustration will be 6 minutes of humor for the viewer.

The good thing about failing is you know where you need work, so my evening wasn't wasted despite not coming out of it with a completed image, or any image at all since I trashed the image in my frustration. Anyways, here's the video.

I suppose most artists don't show off their abysmal failures, but I kind of think they should. It might destroy the notion of natural talent, an idea that I think belittles the immense amount of work someone has to go through to become highly skilled at a craft. There are, I suppose, the rare people who are just innately skilled at something. But you know what? Those people are freaks and don't deserve your respect.

Fuck Ahh Sushi

2008-12-07T11:27:00.004-07:00

I dreamt last night that I was a black Secret Service agent, who also moonlighted as an environmental consultant for some organization called HOME, who had to protect President Obama from a military coup d'état by a redneck military conspiracy. Their plot involved some sort of wedding party, limos, mobile swimming pools, Navy SEALs and attack helicopters.

I'm beginning to worry about my mental health.

Ahh Sushi is easily the worst Sushi joint I've been too. The food is just okay, no better than any of the other sushi places I've been too. The big problem with this place is the throbbing, shitty music they play all night long. Best hope you're dining in one of the private rooms for even a slight reprieve from the managers iPod, not that the paper thin walls help much. I read the service is typically shite, and indeed ours was, but I can't keep from blaming that entirely on Ben Archer calling the waitress a bitch, so maybe it would have been fine otherwise.

The worst problem, though, is that this place is fucking dirty. The bathrooms are lined with corrugated metal panels, and frankly I'm sure your average shack in Jamaica is cleaner than that filth. The fact that these bathrooms are six feet from the kitchen does not inspire confidence. The filth problem might stem from the fact that the place is also a bar, and bar staff tend to be particularly filthy. I've read reviews of this place today that mention rodent excrement and roaches in the place, I can't attest to this first hand, but it wouldn't surprise me. Oh, and bring cash, because when you get your $200 bill for your party, the staff will not split it up for you, and 30-40 minutes of bickering is bound to ensue will everyone works out their bill. Thankfully I had a heads up on this and knew what my share would be long before the bill came.

I mentioned telling the story of GoldenShadow last post, but frankly I can't think of a way to parse it into an interesting story. The short of it was this guy was a fucking moron who hung around IRC chat for years, even though nobody liked him. He was notorious for completely misunderstanding scientific principles but being completely confident he was right.

GoldenShadow: electricy is energy
GoldenShadow: therefore lighting is energy
Merl: that doesent mean that beacuse i move my arm, my arm is energy.
Merl: energy is expressed in matter as the exertion of force.
Merl: just because any given matter has force, does not mean that matter is itself 'energy'.

Over time these little nuggest of stupidity became collectively known as "GSian Physics".

GoldenShadow: thats why it floats too
GoldenShadow: because of the air in it
Merl: gee. so, if i have a rock with air pockets in it, it will float? great!
GoldenShadow: no
GoldenShadow: only ice will
GoldenShadow: unless you have a piece of pummice

A friend of mine keeps a database of IRC quotes, and he's set aside a special section of it for GSian Physics. It's a great laugh, though I think if you weren't there for all of GoldenShadow's idiocy you're missing out on some context. Check it.

Musings from In Medias Malaise

2008-11-07T15:51:00.002-07:00

Yes, I know, that's Latin and French, work with me here.

Today is a shitty day, or at least, that's how it feels so far. It could have been the rejection from Zions Bank I received via email this morning that set it off, or it could be my general lack of anything to do, but mostly I think it's just the weather. It is a remarkably dismal day out there today, the kind of day that makes you beg for a glimpse of the sun, makes you wanna turn on all the lights and pretend it's summer.

I finally got the last few locations entered into my "Chronology" spreadsheet the other day. It took quite a lot of jarring of my Mom's memory to fit in all the random "homes" from years aught to four, and there are still a few missing locations (When the hell exactly did we spend that summer in Needles?), but I'm content enough with it. It may seem odd to measure ones life by the videogames they've played, but it's not the games that are important, but the vivid memories that are attached to and surround them. I don't care that it was Christmas 1993 that I got my Sega Genesis, but it's an easy mile marker to help remember what was happening in my life when I was 7 years old. A pleasant revelation from all of this too, my memory goes back much further than I expected, some of my earliest memories being from age 2. I consider myself fortunate that there has been at least one thing in my life that was more or less a constant.

Speaking of Christmas, I've finally gotten around to listening to the Rachmaninov CD Mike got me a few years ago, and I'm really enjoying it. I'm not sure why I don't listen to more classical music, I have to force myself to expand my taste in it outwards. The first piece of classical music that I really sat and paid attention to was Dvořák's From the New World, and so far the cravings that classical satisfies has been wholly taken care of by that one, spectacular piece. I'm trying though, it's not as though I don't like the other classical music I listen to, it's just that very little of it has burned it's little spot in my heart quite yet.

Super Mario Galaxy is still one of the best games released in years. I've been playing it quite a lot again lately, and I'm just consistently stunned at how flawlessly executed it is. Pretty much every aspect of this game is polished to a mirror sheen, but I think the level design in particular stands out. It's not just the sheer variety, it's the cleverness of it, how the designer communicates the players purpose to them through little tricks of the design. This is probably worthwhile of a whole post of it's own. In fact I've been planning on dissecting in detail a single level out of the game, but I'd really prefer having a digital camera (or some kind of image capture device) to take screens of what I'm discussing before getting into that. As a one time aspiring level designer, this is clever, creative stuff that I never came close to.

In the latest 1up PC Podcast (now titled LAN Party, eh...) Matt Chandronait mentioned that he'd beaten Mirror's Edge for the latest 1up Show, and said that it would have taken some effort to push the game length out to six hours. That's quite alarming. Videogames cost $60 now-a-days, and six hours of main content is just not cutting it. Sure, the gameplay looks like it could deserve some replay, especially if you obsess over getting a perfect run through the levels, but six hours just barely edges it out over most movies these days; and remember, he said six hours was the upper limit of the first playthrough, so for a skilled gamer we could be looking at 3-4 hours, which IS in movie length territory.

Something has gone askew in the gaming industry this latest generation and it's been quite disappointing.

So that's it, I think I had a few other things I wanted to talk about, but I've forgotten about them. This has been surprisingly cathartic. I think next time I'll recount the epic legacy of GoldenShadow. Have a taste:

GoldenShadow: did you know that diamond can burn?
Merl: well, that depends what you mean by 'burn'.
* Jabyaeye rolls a diamond and smokes it
GoldenShadow: someone took a giant magnifying glass and concentrated sunlight on a diamond, and it vanished into a puff of smoke

Make It Funky

2008-11-05T13:44:00.001-07:00

So that last post has me feeling a bit icky, so let's lighten the mood here real quick.

I listened to James Brown's Revolution of the Mind (Live at the Apollo, Vol III) for the first time yesterday, and again this morning. Good god damn, that is some funky shit. I believe the band line up during this period of time was the early JBs, which included such luminaries as William "Bootsy" Collins.

The band is incredibly tight, doesn't seem to be a missed note the whole show; James crowd rap is spectacular, he goes on for a few minutes on the virtues of hot pants and encourages women to get a little meat on their bones. Good on ya James.

All in all, just as essential a listen as the first Live at the Apollo, and perhaps more so than the second.

Virtual Barbie Dolls, Only $39.99!

2008-11-05T12:07:00.002-07:00

Back in March of 2006, the latest entry into the long running The Elder Scrolls series was released. Being a rather big TES fan myself, starting with my endless fascination with TES3: Morrowind, I eagerly anticipated the release of Oblivion, In fact I recall ducking out of work early to go pick up my Pre-Order. I was, and remain, quite enthralled with the game. It's a pretty straightforward high fantasy setting, but an excellently executed open-world Western RPG. I've spent what must now be well over a hundred hours playing this game.

It's an excellent game to be sure (excellent enough for me to buy it four times over, but that's a tale for another day), and anyone buying a console version of it is not likely to be disappointed with the base content. But there is something that makes the PC version extra special, and that's the booming community of modders for the game. There is just about nothing in the game that you could want that has not been created by some industrious fan out there. Everything from some simple new apparel, pipes for smoking, new forms of transit, new quests, to drastic game altering overhauls. Playing a fully modded up version of Oblivion can be like playing a new game entirely.

But, there is something, well, strange about the mod community. It doesn't take too long at the official Bethesda forums to find the always present "Pictures of Oblivion Characters" thread. This thread is, in fact, now in it's 224th itteration.

A curious fact about Oblivion is that it's notoriously difficult to create a face in the game that does not look like a hideous clay golem, this is doubly true of female characters. With that in mind, it's rather curious that a forum thread, nevermind 224 of them, could be dedicated to pictures of these monstrosities.

So, you inevitably enter the thread, curious to see how your rugged hydrocephaloid adventurer stacks up to everyone elses. This, my friends, is where you have taken a wrong turn. It turns out that beneath the veneer of a fantasy adventure RPG, Oblivion is truly, for some segment of it's fans, a virtual barbie doll.

I'm not sure why this happened, but I suspect this thread proves every single rumor of gamer degenerateness that's ever existed. It's a horror show of under sexed nerds given the opportunity to see their sexual fantasies, uh "take life" in a semi-photo realistic game environment.

I feel obligated to share some of these images these people flaunt so proudly. Considering how notoriously shitty Oblivion characters look, you almost feel inclined to give them credit, they've certainly spent a lot of time and effort in crafting their virtual sex toys.

And, yes, these are virtual sex toys, make no mistake, these people are not actually playing the game with these characters. A curious fact I've found about the past two TES games is that once you start modding your game, you actually spend a lot more time looking for new mods to mess around with than actually playing the game. It can be a tremendously finicky and time consuming process finding mods. So consider, not only have these folks spent endless hours tweaking the sellion depth of their digital temptress, they've spent even more endless hours searching for just the right set of dominatrix gear.

There is just about nothing in these screenshots that comes standard in this game, not those hair-dos not those sets of clothing (oh god, especially not those clam shells) and typically not even the eyes or make up. The depth and variety of items made for the sole purpose of sexing up your game character is, depending on your gut reaction, either alarming or impressive.

Maybe you think I'm being a bit alarmist, I mean, fantasy art has always been about big titted women in little clothing, right? Sure, there is that, maybe there are some people here who just want a little Boris Vallejo in their Oblivion, I'll concede that. But some of these images get so risqué that they are actually removed by forum Moderators.

And you know how I said pretty much nothing in these shots comes stock standard with the game? Well, that goes for most of the poses these characters are in. A lot of effort has been put into creating new animations just so you can take a fancier screenshot. Or simulate sex.

Huh? Oh yes, there are alarmingly complex animations sets to simulate pretty much every sex act you can think of. Dig a bit deeper in these picture threads and you can find the underlying cyber brothels, places where sad nerds simulate vile sex acts with their own digital golems, crafted with sweat and tears to perform acts they only dream of. If only the rest of the tale would come true, and the golems would come back to destroy their masters.

So, ok, maybe you think I'm being a bit harsh. Maybe this is just an ultimately harmless outlet for some undersexed geeks to get their jollies. Fine, fine, who am I to judge. But all of this shit takes a remarkably long time to create, and undoubtedly a considerable amount of talent and skill. I can't help but thinking that everyone would be better off if all of that time, energy, and skill were pointed at more profitable endeavors. Nerds could completely rule this world if they didn't expend all their energy on finding new and creative ways to masturbate.

I don't particularly want to pass judgment on people, lest the microscope be pointed on me, but these pictures threads are both sad and hilarious, and I just had to share. And, as a gamer, it doesn't hurt to have evidence somewhere that you are not participating in this shit.

Oh, and, yes, there are digital Ken dolls, and, no, there is not a preponderance of women in the modding community.

Where the hell was MINE when I was a kid?

2008-11-04T18:22:00.002-07:00

Get Up, Get Into It, Get Involved

2008-11-04T14:35:00.001-07:00

Sorry James, not even your mind blowing funk can get me out there to vote.

I'd been, quietly, doing a fair bit of considering on whether I wanted to vote or not. Ultimately, the day has come and I have been unmoved to brave the cold rain to go cast my vote. The simple explanation to my apathy is this: I'm in Utah, Utah will go Republican. I could have gone out and voted my heart, wrote in a name, but it would have been a purely symbolic gesture, and what good is symbolism hidden in a booth?

I think, though, on a more philosophical level I am fundamentally opposed to the act of voting. To vote is to indicate your consent to be governed, to be controlled by the will of the masses. Even if Democracy weren't so easily corrupted, how can an anarchist be in favor of this? It seems reprehensible to me that one should be coerced, as typical of government, by force of arms to concede to the will of some group who was more persuasive to a voting mass.

So much more could be said on the matter, and has been said and by far greater minds than mine, so I think I'll crib from the Austro-Athenian Empire and end with a quote:

What is the attitude of the democrat when political rights are under discussion? How does he regard the people when a legislator is to be chosen? Ah, then it is claimed that the people have an instinctive wisdom; they are gifted with the finest perception …. When it is time to vote, apparently the voter is not to be asked for any guarantee of his wisdom. His will and capacity to choose wisely are taken for granted. … Is there a class or a man who would be so bold as to set himself above the people, and judge and act for them? No, no, the people are and should be free. They desire to manage their own affairs, and they shall do so.

But when the legislator is finally elected – ah! then indeed does the tone of his speech undergo a radical change. The people are returned to passiveness, inertness, and unconsciousness; the legislator enters into omnipotence. Now it is for him to initiate, to direct, to propel, and to organize. Mankind has only to submit; the hour of despotism has struck.

-Frédéric Bastiat

Welcome to #Nakedtime!

2008-11-03T23:40:00.001-07:00

It's been, oh, 5 years or so since I chatted with Jabyaeye, but I can't pass the opportunity to name something after the legendary #nakedtime. So with a small sigh of regret upon remembering the passing of IrcBear, I set one foot forward into a new endevor.

Here's to you, Jabyaeye, you fucker.